Random spells of insanity
by The 3 Lone Kupos
Summary: My little insane thoughts and stories. Read (and review) if you dare stand the insanity!
1. I told you so!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the familiar characters in this/these fanfic(s). I do own the random products of my twisted imagination that come up occasionally in these fics.  
  
A/N: don't expect anything that fully makes sense. After all, they are RANDOM  
  
Random short spells of insanity #1: I told you so!  
  
One day a certain Dibbun was drinking strawberry fizz by the barrelful when he went BANG!!!!!! Then a Guosim shrew popped up out of nowhere and said, "I told you so!!!"  
  
A/N: If you didn't get a single thing about this, I don't suppose you're the only one. 


	2. That's MY sword!

Disclaimer: Go read it on ch. 1  
  
Random spell of insanity #2: That's MY sword!  
  
One day Arven had picked up his sword when suddenly, Martin popped up out of nowhere and screamed at Arven, "That's MY sword!"  
  
"No, that's MY sword!!" Arven roared out at him!  
  
"It's mine!"  
  
"no, it's MINE!"  
  
This continued for about 29 hours when suddenly the sword disappeared and the ghost of Luke the warrior popped out of nowhere and ate the sword up. "It's mine now!" he proclaimed as he munched on the sword of Martin the Warrior and watched Arven and Martin crying their eyes out. They cried until their eyes became dry crusty little spheres and Luke had finished urinating the sword into the Eastern Sea.  
  
A/N: You don't have to understand it. I don't either. 


	3. salamandastron and bad singing

Disclaimer: Again, GO READ IT ON CH. 1!!!!  
  
Random spell of insanity #3  
  
One day Gonff the XXII (22nd) suddenly broke into song at the top of his lungs:  
  
Sala-manda-stronn, look out here we come,  
A thief a warrior and a mole  
Though the quest may take its toll,  
We'll march until we reach are goal  
Sala-manda-stronn  
  
When he finished, he wasn't surprised to see everyone temporarily unconscious because of his off-tune, screaming/singing at the top of his lungs.  
  
He immediately started stealing anything that was in the almost-dead unlucky audience members/victims.  
  
Then some badger suddenly woke up and beat the crap out of Gonff the XXII.  
  
A/N: REVIEW OR FACE MY RANDOMLY SCATTERED WRATH!!!!! 


	4. of salads and scones

Disclaimer: Go read it on Ch.1  
  
Random spell of insanity #4  
  
One day Dinny the XVI (16th) announced to some random badger who happened to be beside him one day, " Oi'm goin' 't Salad-anna-sconn!" (A/N: I'm pretty bad at molespeak, aren't I?  
  
Unfortunately the random badger, who happened to have access to the kitchens, misunderstood Dinny and thought that he had asked for a salad and a scone. "Alright, I'll go get you one," she grudgingly replied, leaving behind a confused Dinny. "Oi thought oi'm 't bring mo' food den that, oi'd be better off leavin' it all behoind," he said, shrugging as he set off west toward Salamandastron.  
  
The random badger returned sometime later with a salad and a scone balanced on her paws. "Hmm, I swear I saw Dinny around here somewhere," she mused as she went about the abbey looking for him. After 15 hours of searching, she decided to just eat the food himself. Unfortunately, Dinny's arch- rival Gonff XXII had slipped a small amount of poison into his food. More unfortunately, Gonff had no idea what a small amount of poison was, and therefore emptied 10 tablespoons of the poison into Dinny's salad dressing.  
  
He is now charged with 1 count of 1st degree murder.  
  
A/N: Please rate my molespeak and Review or else you will face my random insanity!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Tadpoles

Disclaimer: read it on ch 1!!!!!!!!  
  
Explanation because you are going to not understand it: This fic is pretty much based on when Brome and co. were stuck in Marshank, and Grumm told Rose that if Brome had a fever, he was a "taddypole".  
  
Random spell of insanity #5  
  
One day Brome was yelling out randomly when he suddenly caught the fever. Grumm changed into a tadpole and tried to swim on the ground but eventually died because Rose was too busy dancing with her underwear on her head (don't ask) to notice Grumm.  
  
REVIEW OR FACE MY RANDOMLY SCATTERED INSANE WRATH!!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. ii data

Disclaimer: See ch.1  
  
Warning: the next 4 fics or so will be absolutely pointless, stupid almost- oneliners. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  
  
Random spell of insanity #6  
  
One day Edgbert the Scholar was taking stock of the pickles in the castle when he suddenly whipped out a green notebook and began scribbling furiously.  
  
"The shortage of pickles in this place might affect the outcome of a soon- to-come war. Ii data."  
  
~end  
  
See what I mean?  
  
REVIEW OR YOU MUST DRINK SUPER DELUXE INUI JUICE EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *insert evil laugh here* 


	7. Disclaimers, Muses, Inspirations and Gon...

A/N: The following.. er.. eh... semi-fic will not have any relations to Redwall. So I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer:*triumphant laugh* See? I told you that you didn't need me as a muse¹!  
  
Chibi Fuji (that's me!!): Shut the *bleep* up!  
  
Disclaimer: no.  
  
Chibi Fuji: You're still my muse, so you're still under my command!! I order you to drink that glass of ... erm... drink.. on the table!! D  
  
Disclaimer: Ack!!! *is frantically running from the mug of drink which had sprouted fangs and started chasing after him*  
  
Gonflet: Can I be your muse?  
  
Disclaimer: *attempting to dislodge fangs of the mug from his face but looking excited at the prospect of not having to be my muse*  
  
Gonflet: *begging* pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty please??? *puppy eyes*  
  
Disclaimer: *starts chanting* Let him be the muse!  
Let him be the muse!  
Let him be the muse!  
Let him be the muse!  
Let him be the muse!  
Let him be the muse!  
  
Chibi Fuji: Sorry Gonflet, but you must be over 17 to be the muse.  
  
Gonflet: *disappointed face*  
  
((Inspiration strikes Disclaimer in the Head))  
  
Disclaimer: Ow!!! *rubs head*  
  
Inspiration: hehe. Sorry..  
  
Disclaimer: Now.. To the point...  
  
Chibi Fuji: Which is....  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not 17 yet!!! :D  
  
Chibi Fuji:...  
  
Gonflet: If Disclaimer isn't 17 and IT'S the muse than why can't I be the muse???  
  
Chibi Fuji: -.- and now, onto the fic, which is probably alot shorter than this...  
  
*********************************************************************** A cliffhanger? Certainly not! Continue onto the next chapter! (which is probably a lot shorter than this)  
  
¹a muse is an annoying authors assistant that does disclaimers. 


	8. hares are gluttons or are they?

Chibi Fuji: *brandishing electric cattle prod* Say it...  
  
Disclaimer: *groans* Chibi Fuji doesn't own Redwall, random redwall hares 1 through 4, the phrase "hares are gluttons", the angry mob of Redwallers, the anti-famine campaign, the society of gluttons-  
  
Chibi Fuji: *stabs Disclaimer with cattle prod* Thank you. The following ficlet is a revised version of Abbess Germaine meeting Beau for the first time.  
  
&&&  
  
Beau: I'm hungry.  
  
Germaine: Duh. Hares are gluttons.  
  
Random Redwall hare: Hey! I resent that!  
  
Random Redwall hare 2: Not all hares are gluttons! *takes another bite of cake*  
  
Random Redwall hare 3: Glutton hare!  
  
Random Redwall hare 4: Disgrace to hares everywhere!  
  
Beau: I beg to differ. *pulls out society of gluttons membership card* To the society of gluttons, YOU are the disgrace.  
  
Random Redwall hare 1: O.o  
  
Random Redwall hare 2: O.o  
  
Random Redwall hare 3: O.o  
  
Random Redwall hare 4: O.o  
  
Beau: Now, where do you keep the grub around here??  
  
Angry mob of Redwallers 1: You can't have our food because then you would induce a famine on us! We're part of the anti-famine campaign!  
  
Beau: ^_^;;  
  
&&&  
  
*eyes review button* there's that lovely little purple-blue button on your bottom right corner... if you could just give it a click... Pretty please??? 


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